My daughter recently asked me if she could take music lessons at school. She didn't specify which instrument (there were a range to choose from) and the next day when I called up to book her in, I chose guitar. We have a couple of guitars at home and my husband plays it too, so I assumed it was a great choice for her. 

I immediately started imagining her becoming a famous singer-songwriter and entertaining all her friends on school camp by the fire. Things I've always wished I could do.

When I excitedly broke the news to her about her upcoming guitar lessons, instead of thanking me with a smile (as I imagined would happen) she got really upset and told me she actually wanted to play flute or clarinet. 

Flute and clarinet are boring, I thought to myself. I was disappointed. My fantasies about a rock star daughter slowly dissipated. But I soon realised that I was putting my own hopes onto her, instead of allowing her to choose what felt right for her. 

We changed her lessons to clarinet even though I was warned that my daughter was very young to be playing it and that her fingers might not be long enough. 

It turned out that the clarinet suited her really well and she has since flourished with it, surpassing her music teacher's expectations and our own. The other day she was asked to perform in front of her class because the teacher was so happy with her progress. 

It's common for parents to put their own hopes, dreams and even insecurities onto their children. We sometimes want our children to be a "mini me". And if we have a child who is a little bit different to the rest of the family, we expect them to conform.

What I've been blessed to realise slowly along my parenting journey, is that each child is unique and special in their own way. They come into this world with their own little life map to unfold and follow. How can we, as guardians of these precious souls, help them achieve their own unique destiny? Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The Conscious Parent, explains that when we learn how to nurture ourselves and listen to our own inner calling, than we automatically value and treasure the unique callings within our children.1 

If we've grown up with parents who have "molded" us through scolding and criticism, according to how they want us to be, it can be extra challenging not to pass this legacy onto our own children, albeit subconsciously. But if we allow our own inner child to unfold and blossom and when we give ourselves complete love and acceptance, we can then pass this gift onto our children.

I recently came across this beautiful explanation and affirmation of what it means to be a parent. What do you think? 

1 You can listen to an interview with Dr. Shefali here where she explains this concept.